Lost/SPN fic: There is No Iteration in Which She Doesn't Lose (Juliet/Mary)

[ozmissage]

Title: There is No Iteration in Which She Doesn’t Lose
Characters/Pairing: Juliet/Mary Winchester; Dean, Sam, John, Castiel, and Jacob (mentions John/Mary, Juliet/Sawyer)
Rating: PG-13 
Words: 2,880
Warnings: Character death, spoilers for Lost through "The Incident" and vague spoilers for Supernatural through “In the Beginning.”
Disclaimer: Lost belongs to Darlton, Supernatural to Kripke…so not mine.
Summary: They bury John together taking turns shoveling dirt until they’re both filthy; calloused hands cracked and bleeding, sweet clinging to their skin.

A/N: So this was supposed to be a ficlet, then stuff happened. Written for the lostsquee’s fic battle prompts Juliet/Mary, hunter & I want a normal life. My apologies if this diverges too much from Supernatural’s canon, I made a couple of leaps of logic based on where I am now in season four. I’ll catch up eventually.

There was nothing for a very long time, no light, no dark...there was just her and she was at rest and it was good.

Then she woke up. The she was woken up.

***

They bury John together taking turns shoveling dirt until they’re both filthy; calloused hands cracked and bleeding, sweet clinging to their skin.

A few feet away, Dean sleeps in the backseat of the car his cheeks stained with tears and flecks of his father’s blood. Juliet hopes he’s not dreaming of demons or gunshots or death. She knows he is, she knows he always will; she knows a lot of things.

They should have built a pier and burned the body down to ash, but Mary couldn’t bring herself to do it and Juliet couldn’t find it in herself to make her.

***

They take the impala and head south with Juliet at the wheel. Every few miles they pull over so that Mary can wretch onto the hot pavement of the interstate. Both women pretend they don’t know what this means.

In the backseat Dean whines for his father, his little boy voice high and mournful. Mary sings him strands of CCR songs that remind Juliet of a man with a slow drawl and dimples and rough hands.

She feels like an intruder here, but that’s nothing new.

***

When they come to a crossroads, Mary pleads with Juliet to stop, pulls a gun and places it at her temple when she refuses. Her eyes are hard and desperate and Juliet wants nothing more than to give her what she wants, but she doesn’t flinch, just tightens her grip on the wheel and keeps driving.

“You’re scaring Dean.”

She’s not; he’s staring out the window at nothing at all. Still, it’s enough to get Mary to lower her gun.

Five miles later Juliet whispers, “We can’t change the past.”

What she means is we shouldn’t, what she means is I’m doing it right now.

Two days pass before Mary will speak to her again.

***

“Are you a hunter?”

Mary keeps asking her this as if she thinks the answer will change. This time they’re in a hotel room in a town just outside of New Orleans.

Juliet slips a knife under her pillow and climbs into the bed, Mary’s feet are cold against her leg.

“No,” she says (again and again, no.)

Mary looks skeptical, her pretty brow furrowed. “Then what are you?”

Juliet understands why she keeps asking, why she keeps expecting a different answer. Normal women don’t show up out of thin air wielding a gun as if she were born with one in her hand, Latin tripping off her tongue.

She can’t explain why she wasn’t surprised to find out demons and monsters are real. Even if she could Mary wouldn’t believe her.

Juliet sighs and stares up at the stained ceiling.

“I’m tired.”

***

She hears the flutter of wings, then her name barely a whisper from a voice that sends a shock down her spine.

She doesn’t know where she is, it’s a blank space that seems to stretch out forever into nothing at all.

The thing in front of her looks like a man, face serious, mouth set in a straight line.

“Juliet, you have to save him.”

She blinks, tries to grasp the meaning. “Who?”

“The boy.”

***

They clean out a nest of vampires in Georgia, fighting side by side while Dean sits alone in a hotel room. On the way back Mary whispers, “I’m pregnant.”

Juliet reaches across the seat and takes her hand.

“I know.”

***

Mary tells her about a job in Miami, a couple of possession cases. Juliet stiffens and looks away.

“No,” she says flatly.

“It’s an easy job.”

“No.”

The word comes out harder than she meant it to. Mary tries to stare her down, but Dean is tugging at her hand trying to get his mother’s attention. Juliet ruffles his hair.

“Come on sweetheart; let’s go get some ice cream.”

She pretends she can’t feel Mary watching her as she carries Dean to the car.

***

They stop at some god-awful fast food place in South Carolina and Juliet watches Dean play in a sea of plastic balls. He keeps tossing them at little girls and laughing when they squeal. Beside her Mary reaches for her hand and places it on the gentle swell of her stomach.

“The baby just kicked,” Mary explains with a laugh.

Juliet tries to smile back.

She wishes she didn’t know what was coming.

***

“If you don’t save him, he’ll kill us all.”

The thing calls itself Castiel, an angel from God, but she doesn’t believe that part.

“Why me?”

He shakes his head as if she should already know the answer.

“It’s your penance Juliet, for what you did.”

She remembers the bomb, the blinding light and then the peace that followed. She feels cold suddenly.

“I killed them all.”

“You ripped a timeline apart, tore it to shreds. Paths disrupted, lives unlived. You’ve upset the natural course of things. This is your chance to repent.”

Juliet nods, her jaw set. She doesn’t trust this thing.

“And what if I don’t?”

Juliet hadn’t thought it would be possible for Castiel to look any grimmer.

“Then I will cast you into the pit.”

***

One night Mary tells Juliet about a yellow-eyed demon and a debt yet to be paid. Juliet can’t see her face in the dark, but she can hear the fear clinging to the edges of her words.

They’re curled against each other in a little bed, Juliet’s arm slung over the rise of Mary’s stomach. The baby is turning flips under her hand, a knee here, an elbow there. Juliet snuggles closer, brings her lips to rest against Mary’s ear.

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers.

***

Seven months pass and Mary rarely says John’s name. Juliet knows she thinks of him, she knows because she’s thinking of someone too.

Still they settle into a routine, the three of them, and Juliet begins to feel safe, to feel settled in this new life with a woman who teaches her about monsters and a little boy who hums Metallica songs in the backseat.

***

“I want to go home,” Mary says.

Juliet has just finished salting and burning the bones of a little boy who was haunting his grandmother. There’s a gash on her arm from a fight, a purple bruise blossoming across her cheek. She sits on the edge of the tub while Mary sews her up and she winces with each tug of the needle.

“Home?” Juliet asks.

Mary nods. “I don’t want this life for my children; I don’t want it for me. Or for you.”

Juliet closes her eyes, tries not to hear Castiel’s voice in her head.

“Let’s go home then.”

She knows this is how it begins.

***

The house is just how they left it, dustier and dark, but still the same. Dean takes the stairs to his room two at a time. Mary stands at the kitchen window and stares out at John’s grave. They buried him under the Oak tree in the backyard, there is no marker and the grass is already beginning to grow over the plot.

Juliet stands beside Mary, places a hand on the small of her back.

***

The baby is born in May. A wailing, beautiful, healthy baby boy. Mary names him Sam. The minute Juliet holds him, counts his fingers and toes, she falls in love with him.

***

They bring Sam home wrapped in a blue blanket to meet his big brother. Dean wrinkles his nose at first and ducks shyly behind Juliet’s leg.

“Don’t you want to meet Sammy?” she asks.

Dean shakes his head defiantly. Juliet smiles and kneels down to his level.

“You know I have a big sister.”

Dean’s eyes widen. “No you don’t.”

“I do. We used to fight all the time when we were kids. She thought I was a pest, but I wanted to be just like her. I looked up to her and when our parents got divorced she was the one who looked out for me. She always had my back. Having a little brother isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes, Sam is going to drive you crazy. He’s going to take your toys without asking, and tell on you and sometimes you’re going to hate him, but I promise you that no matter what he’s always going to think you’re the coolest person in the whole world and that’s going to make all of the rest of it worth it. Do you understand?”

Dean looks skeptically at the squirming bundle in his mother’s arms. Mary leans down so he can get a closer look. Cautiously, Dean reaches out to touch his brother’s tiny hand.

“Hi, Sammy,” he says.

***

“If you can’t save him, you’ll have to kill him.”

“No,” Juliet says flatly.

“It must be done.”

With that Castiel touches her arm and the contact burns white hot down to Juliet’s bones and then she is on her back gasping for air.

It’s night and she’s lying on the ground, completely naked.

She hears a scream, and when she turns there is a man and a women staring down at her, their mouths hanging open in twin expressions of disbelief.

“Where am I?” Juliet asks.

“In our backyard,” the man says slowly.

“And you are?”

The man chuckles and shakes his head at the crazy naked woman at his feet.

“John Winchester.”

***

She kisses Mary for the first time when Sam is two months old. They’ve shared a bed for months, but they never crossed any lines. It never seemed right, there was too much unsaid between them, too many ghosts.

But it’s early morning, a Sunday. Dean’s watching cartoons downstairs and Sammy’s fast asleep for once. They’re lying in bed, their faces close together and Juliet wants it and it’s been too long she since took anything she wanted.

It’s soft, gentle at first and then Mary slips her tongue into Juliet’s mouth and the kiss deepens into something rough and lusty.

They don’t speak, when Mary’s fingers slide beneath the waist band of Juliet’s panties it seems natural and right.

It’s something they both need.

***

October comes too soon. Juliet isn’t ready for this.

On the day, she lines the window sills with salt, picks Dean up early from school, makes sure Sammy’s never out of her sight. Mary asks her what’s wrong and Juliet says nothing, just insists the kids sleep in their bed tonight.

They do just that, the four of them all tangled up together. Dean’s breath hot on Juliet’s neck, Mary’s hand wrapped in her hair, and the sound of Sam’s gurgling steady and reassuring. Juliet tries not to fall asleep, but by midnight she looses the battle.

She wakes up to the smell of smoke and the sound of Sam’s wailing. She and Dean are the only ones left in the bed.

***

It happens just as she was told. Mary is on the ceiling engulfed in flames. Sam is wailing in his crib. She gives the baby to Dean, tries to save Mary, tries to change things---she fails, just like John failed.

Outside she cradles Sam in her arms and knows there’s demon blood coursing through his veins.

***

She takes them to a hotel room for the night. Dean is inconsolable, by the time the sky is tinged with pink from the morning sun he has cried himself to sleep. Juliet is numb. She has done this too many times now, seen too many deaths, lost too much.

She wishes she were dead again. She wishes she had never been woken up.

She turns and Castiel is there standing by Dean’s bedside smoothing the little boy’s hair out of his eyes.

“He’s going to be quite remarkable,” Castiel says.

“He already is,” Juliet replies.

Castiel sighs and crosses over to Juliet. He looks exhausted and ancient and for the first time since she met him Juliet thinks of him as a man.

“You know what you have to do, Juliet.”

Castiel’s gaze drifts to Sam asleep in her arms and Juliet holds him closer.

“No,” she says. “I can protect him, I won’t let him turn.”

Castiel is already shaking his head. “He will turn. He always does.”

He reaches out and touches Juliet’s cheek; she flinches expecting it to burn.

“I am so sorry,” he whispers and she almost believes him.

***

She puts the children in the car and drives south only stopping for meals. They reach the crossroads by nightfall.

***

“No matter what happens, stay in the car.”

Dean nods, his expression is earnest and scared. She kisses his forehead.

“Everything is going to be okay.”

She gets out of the car and digs a small hole, finds a box and puts her picture in it, then buries it again. She doesn’t have to wait long before a woman appears. She’s beautiful, flaming red hair and bright green eyes, but when she smiles her face changes, darkens into something evil. Juliet doesn’t blink.

“Juliet Burke. You’re quite the legend. Was destroying one world not enough for you?”

Juliet smiles. “Clearly not.”

“Feisty. I like that in a woman.”

The demon circles her, sizing her up. Juliet can feel Dean watching her from the car; she’s beginning to loose her patience.

“I want to make a deal.”

The demon tilts its head and grins. “Let me guess, your soul for sweet little Mary’s? Or maybe you just want to save the children? Or maybe, yes…that must be it. Maybe you want to save them all, even your precious James. Am I close?”

Juliet shakes her head. “No, you’re not. The children…I’m not what they need. I can’t take care of them, I can’t…prepare them. This is not where I’m supposed to be. I want you to put me back where I belong. I want to you to put things back as they were.”

The demon strokes the side of Juliet’s face, running one long nail down her cheek. “John,” it hisses.

“Yes,” Juliet says.

“And what do I get?”

Juliet grips the back of the demon’s head and pulls it to her. “Me,” she says before sealing the deal with a kiss.

***

She wakes up with a gasp. She’s back in the place that stretches on forever and she is not alone. She expects to see Castiel, but the man in front of her has blond hair and he’s grinning.

“Welcome back.”

She gets to her feet and eyes the man cautiously. He laughs and extends a hand.

“There’s no need to be afraid. We haven’t been formally introduced, but I know you quite well. I guess that means I have you at a disadvantage. My name is Jacob.”

Juliet blinks twice and tries to find her voice. “Jacob? Ben’s Jacob?”

His face seems to darken at the sound of Ben’s name. “Just Jacob, if you don’t mind.”

“Where am I?” Juliet asks.

Jacob shrugs. “Nowhere and everywhere. It’s a remarkable place really. I hear you tried to sell your soul tonight. Our friend Castiel is not too happy about that.”

Juliet closes her eyes. “Then it didn’t work.”

“Depends on how you define “work”, I suppose. There was a flaw in your plan, Juliet, and it was this: your soul is not yours to sell.”

Somehow this doesn’t surprise Juliet. She crosses her arms. “It belongs to Castiel?”

Jacob begins to laugh and shake his head as if Juliet is exceedingly slow. “It belongs to me. I was kind enough to loan you to Castiel for his little pet project. He has a vested interest in those Winchester boys, always has.”

Juliet sinks back to the floor. She’s tired and she can feel it right down to her bones. She understands finally why she keeps loosing. Her mistake was to think it was her game to play, she’s a piece to be maneuvered, a pawn. Her life was never hers to begin with.

“So I go to hell, now?”

She thinks it would be a relief. She’s already damned. Jacob kneels in front of her and cups her face in his hand, runs his thumb over her bottom lip.

“Now you try again.”

***

She’s wakes up in her own bed and sighs. It’s book club day, she’s supposed to bake the muffins. It’s funny though, she feels like she’s missing something. She lies in bed and listens for a moment as if she expects to hear the sound of a baby crying. The house is silent and for some reason this brings tears to her eyes.

***

John Winchester wakes up on his couch to the taste of dirt on his tongue and the smell of smoke in the air. Upstairs, he hears a scream.

***

Jacob joins Castiel outside the Winchester house, they watch as the place goes up in flames.

“Where does this leave us?” Castiel asks.

Jacob claps a hand on his friend’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze, Castiel moves away from his touch.

“Right back where we started.”

Comments

[krilymcc.livejournal.com]

This is amazing. Great job!

[ozmissage.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :)

[valhalla37.livejournal.com]

Holy god, I love this SO much, and it makes me wish I'd seen more Supernatural; I mean, I know enough to follow the plot, but this makes me want to watch the whole series, stat. Because it's just that good -- I love, love, love your take on Juliet here; rough and sad and evocative and wonderful. Oh man, this is so wonderful; I wish I had more coherent things to say about it.

[ozmissage.livejournal.com]

Oh wow thank you so, so much.

I'm about midway through season four of Supernatural now and I really like the show, but I what I love about it is how neatly it intersects with Lost. I seriously want to write like a billion crossovers between the two shows.

[tokenblkgirl.livejournal.com]

This is amazing.

I wasn't sure how I'd feel about the pairing until I read it because whenever I think of Mary, I automatically think of John too. But you completely sold me with this, I love how fierce both these women are. And the sacrifice Juliet made to set things right again, especially considering how she ultimately ends up.

This was a wonderful and believable mix of both shows, awesome job. :)

[ozmissage.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

I knew I was going to have to kill John off if I wanted to get to a place where Juliet/Mary could work. John and Mary just go together. :)

(BTW- Your icon is made of so much win. Gorgeous.)

[bold-seer.livejournal.com]

I’ll catch up eventually.

:D

Wow, I don't even know what to say. Actually I do - it's fascinating! Really! Such an unexpected prompt in many ways, but the result is perfect. And Lost/SPN is still my crossover OTP! ;) Also, Juliet and Castiel in the same fic = yes.

Jacob claps a hand on his friend’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze, Castiel moves away from his touch.

“Right back where we started.”

!!!!!!

And that's almost too delicious. What/how much do you know about S5?

[ozmissage.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

Lost/SPN is still my crossover OTP!

It has very quickly become mine too. I seriously want to write a billion crossovers between these two shows. Thematically speaking they just totally fit together.

I hope I didn't butcher Castiel too badly. I've only seen him a few times so far and to be honest I haven't quite got a handle on him yet.

All I know about season five is that it opens with the boys being transported onto a plane (I saw that bit because I watched the pilot for The Vampire Diaries) and that the guy who plays Jacob is there either as God or Lucifer...I can't remember which. Other than that I have no idea what to expect. :D

[missy-useless.livejournal.com]

I'm late. Good God, I am so late. BUT.

I love this fic to teeny, tiny pieces. WOW. I really am at a loss for words here. Just ... I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I want to offer you a better comment but I honestly don't know how. First off, GUH, the pairing kills me. They are perfect, perfect, and I love how you write them. Secondly, I adore this story you have crafted—you made me believe in it—and I literally couldn't stop reading until I had reached the end. I could quote all of it back at you, really. So amazing. Miami, Rachel, Latin, changing the past, everything. And oh God, wee!Dean and baby!Sam and Juliet's relationship to them broke my heart. I feel like crying now. Thank you for writing this.

[bittersweet325.livejournal.com]

This was awesome! Great work :)