ozmissage | Lost Fic: There's Always a Duckie (Miles/Juliet)

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Lost Fic: There's Always a Duckie (Miles/Juliet)

Title: There’s Always a Duckie
Pairing: Unrequited Miles/Juliet; pre-Juliet/Sawyer
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1,340
Warnings: Sexual innuendo, language
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Miles Straume doesn’t fall in love. Until he, you know…falls in love.
A/N: This is a rather belated birthday present for the awesome phelipa.

The oh-so welcoming Dharma folks cram them all into one house when they arrive so that they’re living on top of each other like they’ve been dropped right in the middle of some sort of twisted 1970s reality show. Only Miles knows there was no such thing as reality television in the ‘70s, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he found out one of these hippie wackjobs went on to sell The Real World to MTV.

It’s a three bedroom house with six full grown people, none of whom are thrilled about the prospects of sharing a bed. Juliet gets her own room by default and Miles swears she looks smug about it. James and Jin take the other room with James sleeping on a cot so his depressed buddy can have the bed. This means Miles has to give Dan the bed in their room or end up looking like a colossal douche which normally he wouldn’t care about, but Juliet would shoot him one of those “you’re being an asshole” looks that she seems to dole out between him and Jim in equal measure and he’d just end up giving in anyway.

So he takes the cot. The lumpy, smelly cot with the metal bar that jabs him in the back making it impossible to sleep just so a blonde chick he barely knows won’t be disappointed in him. And that’s pretty much the moment he realizes he’s epically screwed.

***

Miles Straume does not fall in love. He has sex, he has lots of sex in fact. And sometimes he has sex with the same girl more than once. But he doesn’t have relationships. He doesn’t buy flowers or write fucking love poems and he sure as hell wouldn’t stand outside of any chick’s window holding a boom box over his head blasting a crappy pop ballad. Mostly, because who the hell would want a chick who was that into Peter Gabriel anyway?

But that’s not the point. The point is he’s never been anyone’s boyfriend. And he’s okay with that.

So he’s a bit unnerved when Juliet comes clomping downstairs one morning wearing nothing but an over-sized t-shirt and casually snatches his toast from his hand, takes a big bite, grimaces and then hands it back without a word.

He shouldn’t find this cute. He should find it annoying. Very, very annoying.

“Is that strawberry jam?” she asks.

“I’m sorry would her highness prefer something else on my toast?”

He tries to sound pissed, but then Juliet winks at him and crosses over to pour her coffee and he’s staring at her legs and God, they’re long…

But that doesn’t mean anything. That’s just biology. He’s a dude and she’s hot.

When he reaches for the grape jelly the next morning that…well that means something.

***

He tries not to dwell on it too much. He’s got lots of other things to worry about like how his parents are here on this island and how he’s going to be here twice if they don’t get the hell out of this place soon and how his roommate has covered their bedroom walls with equations and keeps muttering to himself in a manner that suggests he has completely lost his ever loving mind.

So the fact that he’s having rather un-friend like thoughts about Juliet is not exactly his top priority.

But sometimes when she stops by the surveillance room to bring him coffee or drapes her legs across him when they’re sprawled on the couch listening to Rolling Stones records, or when she talks to him about her sister and it’s late and no one else is awake he can’t help but think about kissing her or running his fingers through her insanely long hair or doing her right there on the couch.

Inevitably she’ll pick that moment to yawn or pat his arm like he’s her adorable little brother and he’ll remember that he can’t do her on the couch. Or anywhere else for that matter because apparently he’s the Duckie in this scenario.

And isn’t that just his fucking luck?

***

One night he commandeers the bed from Daniel because really it’s been over a month and the guy can only play the my-girlfriend-died-from-overexposure-to-time-traveling card for so long. Not that Dan was actually playing the card in the first place, but since he spent the entire day yammering to Miles about the laws of probability Miles figured Dan owed him one for not locking him in the closet.

He had almost forgotten how nice it felt to sleep in a bed that couldn’t double as a torture device. He was just about to drift off when he felt someone poking his side.

“Dan, I swear if you say whatever happens, happens to me one more time I will kick your ass,” Miles mumbles without bothering to open his eyes.

“Miles, it’s not Dan.”

Juliet. Juliet is in his room. He sits up, rubbing his eyes. He’s had this dream before. A couple of times actually. Only Juliet didn’t look so pissed off in his head.

“Scoot over,” she demands.

Miles arches an eyebrow and doesn’t budge.

“I don’t usually ask hot girls why they want to get into my bed, I tend to just go with it…but seriously Juliet, what are you doing in here?”

“James is in my bed,” she says flatly.

“Congratulations?”

“Don’t be a smartass. He passed out. Again.”

Miles nods. Their illustrious leader has certainly had his share of benders since they got here. Miles can just barely make out Juliet’s face in the moonlight. She looks anxious and tired, and he almost gives in and scoots over but he has one more question to ask, even though he knows he’s not going to like the answer.

“Why don’t you just sleep with him?”

Juliet looks away from him and shrugs. That’s what he thought.

Miles sighs and tosses the covers back. Juliet flashes him a small smile and climbs in.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

Miles turns on his back and stares up at the ceiling, trying hard not to make too much contact with his new bedmate. But it’s not exactly a big bed and her feet are pressed against his legs, her hair tickling his arms. And here he thought this bed was going to be torture free.

“You know he’s still hung up on that Kate chick, right?” he asks.

Juliet’s quiet for so long he starts to think she’s fallen asleep.

“Yeah, I know,” she replies finally.

“He’s a fucking idiot.”

Juliet tries to muffle her laugh by burying her face in her pillow.

“You’re going to make me wake Dan,” she hisses.

“Oh God, don’t do that unless you want to spend the next five hours listening to a lecture about how not to rip a hole in the space time continuum.”

He feels the bed shift as Juliet rolls over to face him. He’s never been quite this close to her lips before. He tries not to think about that. She reaches out and cups the side of his face and for a minute he thinks maybe he actually has a shot, but then she leans over and presses a quick kiss to his cheek.

“You’re not as tough as you pretend to be, Mr. Struame.”

“Shut up,” Miles says.

“In fact you’re kind of a marshmallow,” she continues.

“I will make you sleep on the couch.”

“Night Miles,” she says and even in the dark he can see the grin on her face.

He shakes his head and turns to face the wall trying valiantly not to think about the fact that there’s a gorgeous woman’s ass pressing into his backbone.

Because apparently he’s a nice guy now and he’s betting nice guys don’t have impure thoughts about their hot, platonic bedfellow. He looks down at his boxers and groans; it looks like a certain part of him didn’t get the memo.

Somehow he can’t help but think this all fucking John Hughes’s fault.

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what a fantastic story! I laughed hard reading this - your narrations is perfect, and your Miles voice is spot on.

this part is hilarious: "He looks down at his boxers and groans; it looks like a certain part of him didn’t get the memo" Ha! good one.

And this: "One night he commandeers the bed from Daniel because really it’s been over a month and the guy can only play the my-girlfriend-died-from-overexposure-to-time-traveling card for so long"

Your Miles is very IC - pretending not to care or even LIKE anybody, but there's this second emotional layer that he hides - and it's certainly there. And I imagine Miles would have a crush on a girl like Juliet. well, who would't anyway?

great job as always! you totally made my day :)

Aww, thank you so much for such lovely feedback!

And I imagine Miles would have a crush on a girl like Juliet. well, who wouldn't anyway?

Heh. I know, right? She's infinitely crushable. ;)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! *hugs*
Seriously, I cannot express how much I love this - it is just so perfect and adorable and snarky!

This means Miles has to give Dan the bed in their room or end up looking like a colossal douche which normally he wouldn’t care about, but Juliet would shoot him one of those “you’re being an asshole” looks that she seems to dole out between him and Jim in equal measure and he’d just end up giving in anyway.
Hahahaha, the use of colossal douche really made me laugh because he definitely would think something like that and it's not a word you see used very often in the LOST fandom ;) Your Miles voice is spot on!

He shouldn’t find this cute. He should find it annoying. Very, very annoying.

Oh Miles, but you do because it’s Juliet and you LURVE HER! Seriously, they would be the most ridiculously sarcastic couple. I WANT THIS TO BE CANON SO BAD!

I love that she is so oblivious to her effect on him. Walking around in a nightshirt, draping her legs over his lap. She is a terrible tease!

Omg. The Duckie!? That is amazing – I’ve never heard that said before but it’s so what he is :( Poor Miles.

“Yeah, I know,” she replies finally.
“He’s a fucking idiot.”

OMG I love this part so, so, so much! He cares, and he thinks Sawyer is an idiot (which, really, as much as I love Sawyer/Juliet, he is for not putting Juliet first)

“Oh God, don’t do that unless you want to spend the next five hours listening to a lecture about how not to rip a hole in the space time continuum.” pfft, that is so Dan.

“You’re not as tough as you pretend to be, Mr. Struame.”
“Shut up,” Miles says.
“In fact you’re kind of a marshmallow,” she continues.
“I will make you sleep on the couch.”

THIS! This is why I love them. And you! Guh, I just want to squish them together. Have you seen the episode of friends where Rachel takes her drivers license and the hot guy’s drivers license and squishes them together, making kissing noises? *squishes them together*

Because apparently he’s a nice guy now and he’s betting nice guys don’t have impure thoughts about their hot, platonic bedfellow. He looks down at his boxers and groans; it looks like a certain part of him didn’t get the memo.
ARGH! Darn it, never be the nice guy Miles, never.

They are so funny together, the fact that she insists on sleeping in his bed is hilarious - you come up with the best fic scenarios. I am definitely memming this and coming back to read over and over, there is a sad lack of Miles/Juliet (darn it, now I want to write! Must work on mental health homework and HOHOHO assignment first!)

THANK YOU AGAIN! You are AMAZING!!
*I need to find a miles/juliet icon*

I'm so glad you liked it! I was a little worried because it wasn't full-blown Miles/Juliet, but I was in love with the idea of Miles having a crush. Plus I'm so tired of every dude Juliet loves having a thing for someone else, she's kind of perpetually the Duckie in her relationships; I figured it was about time for her to have someone fall for her.

Friends reference! Heh. Now I'm all nostalgic...

*Hugs*

I'm so happy you liked your present! :D

So, basically, this is my new favorite Lost fic ever. It's a combo between something I always wanted to write and something I keep requesting. Plus, it's all about Miles and Juliet, who are totally my favorite of that bunch.

Mostly, because who the hell would want a chick who was that into Peter Gabriel anyway?
This entire story is made of squee. Seriously. You are SO GOOD with Miles, it's uncanny. This line just sums up my love for Miles and the way you write him. I see him as a player, too! He's so cool and easy-going and I can just see him as the type who gets a lot of ass without being drop-dead gorgeous.

I love all the little sign that he really likes her, and how he tries to forget about it, and then EEEEEEEE! People being forced to share a bed is basically my FAVORITE thing ever! You have no idea. None. :) I clapped when she got into bed with him. Miles and Juliet really do have great chemistry here, but you've done this perfect job of building the perfect unrequited crush scenario. I want it to work because I want Miles to have whatever he wants, but at the same time, the dynamic they have really isn't romantic at all on her side. She really does think of him as the DUckie, and strangely the more she gets to know him (like the conversation in the bed), the more that seems to be true for her. That happens in real life; the more you get to know someone and like them as a person, the less of a crush you'll ever have on them. I love when characters in fic act in those kinds of complicated, real-life emotional ways, so I am totally applauding you here for that!!

I like the idea of Sawyer going on benders. He IS a fucking idiot for being hung up on Kate when there are awesome women like Juliet around. Thank goodness he came to his senses, but at the expense of my baby, Miles.

This story is totally fantastic. Had me laughing and then going, "awww, poor baby" all at the same time.

“Dan, I swear if you say whatever happens, happens to me one more time I will kick your ass,”
That's my other favorite line. :)

*Squees*

Thank you so, so much! Seriously, your feedback made me so incredibly happy.

Miles is totally a player. There's something about his smartassery that makes me think he would be a hard guy to resist. Then again that could be my snark kink talking.

She really does think of him as the DUckie, and strangely the more she gets to know him (like the conversation in the bed), the more that seems to be true for her. That happens in real life; the more you get to know someone and like them as a person, the less of a crush you'll ever have on them.

That was exactly what I was going for. I really wanted it to come through that this was pretty one sided on his part. Juliet certainly cares for him, but her heart is elsewhere. Poor Miles, I hated that I couldn't give him the girl...but that would have provided me with a lot less snark potential. ;)

Oh, Miles, Miles, I really am sympathetic to your--predicament; the giggles you hear coming from my direction are just, uhm, from laughing at your--predicament. And Juliet, dear, you are a tease and the next time this happens, what say you wake Miles up to ask him to help you haul Sawyer out of your bed onto the couch and then ask Miles to join you in your bed, because you owe him one, big time.

This was so dang good, and just what I needed today. The server that housed a computer program vital to my department died the death Saturday and there has been much angst and frustration in response, so when I saw this at lunch, I leaped to read it (work-safe, thank you very much!) and it made me feel much better. Miles is much more witty about his frustration than I about mine, so it's a pleasure to read it and wish him luck in tempting Juliet from just-friends to just-a-friendly-hookup.

Thank you so much and I'm glad I could help! ;)

Heh. Poor Miles, we've all been there. I'm sure there were lots of Dharma ladies willing to help him move on though...

Oh man, I loved this! I didn’t even know I could like Miles/Juliet (unrequited or not), but this is awesome :)

Aww, thank you so much!

phelipa and I are trying our best to convert everyone into Miles/Juliet fans. It's a wonderfully, snarky koolaid to drink. ;)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This is SO INCREDIBLE. Like, the absolutely perfect Miles POV; just right on target and encompasses everything that's so wonderful about his character all in one place.

There are a million things I adore about this, and I'm running so low on time, but suffice to say I definitely laughed out loud a half a dozen times reading this, especially the Miles/Juliet banter and all of Miles' little pokes at Dan, lol. SO FANTASTIC, I wish I could do it justice with a better comment.

Aww, thank you so much! :D

and how his roommate has covered their bedroom walls with equations and keeps muttering to himself in a manner that suggests he has completely lost his ever loving mind.

...

Not that Dan was actually playing the card in the first place, but since he spent the entire day yammering to Miles about the laws of probability Miles figured Dan owed him one for not locking him in the closet.

It is so wrong that in your great Miles/Juliet piece I'm all focused on Dan and Dan/Charlotte :p

But poor Miles... there's always a ducky ;)

Heh. It's okay, it's hard not to focus on Dan. ;)

I totally owe Shawn Spencer for the title and inspiration for this fic. Thank you Psych and your deep love of all things '80s.

You had me from the first sentence. The Miles POV is so snarky and entertaining and perfectly IC.

“In fact you’re kind of a marshmallow,” she continues.

Miles is spot-on, Juliet is spot-on, they're both so adorably sarcastic. Sawyer/Juliet shall forever remain my true pairing, but now I'm sort of interested in Miles/Juliet, too. :)

Thank you so much!

Juliet/Sawyer will always be my favorite too, but I kind of love pairing Juliet up everyone. And there's some excellent snark potential with those two. ;)

I love this story! The voice is so perfect, and sarcastic, and funny.

Thank you so much! :)

I love this so much! I swear you are Miles!

Aww, you're too sweet. Thank you so much! :D

Why this piece is awesome -

A: It was VERY much in-character for Miles.

B: It was hysterical.

C: It made total sense. I mean...who wouldn't fall in love with Juliet?!

Aww, thank you so much!

And dude, I know right? I have no idea how every person on that island hasn't fallen madly in love with her because she is amazing. :D

Thank God for

lost_fic_awards! I don't know how I missed this before and I'm so glad I came back. This is amazing--so in-character for them both and so simultaneously funny and bittersweet and snarky. I am so in love with this fic. And then that last line is a true stroke of genius! ;) This is so fantastic! Perfection!

Thank you so much!

Heh. One of my favorite things about writing Miles is having a legitimate excuse to make pop culture references in a Lost fic. ;)

Oh excellent! What a fantastic, fun fic ~ excellent Miles, which isn't easy, apparently, as so few can write him. Just the right tone of snark and humor ~ lovely!!

Thank you so much! :)

I love writing Miles, he's so snarky.

OMG, this is fantastic! Your Miles is so perfect the script writers ought to check with you before they put another word in the character's mouth! Great story - I love it.

Aww, thank you so much! :D

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Lost Fic: There's Always a Duckie (Miles/Juliet)

awesome

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